Why can't winter pass so quickly?
"Half moon in a steel gray sky, dark clouds hovering, desperate, icy fingers clasp sleepy fields, rather wakened by the warm kiss of a spring sunrise."
I'm not ready to see the landscapes that inspired this verse I wrote on my way to work one morning last winter. I try to make the best of winter, to just accept it and be patient, but winter hurts -- the gray, cold, emptiness that lasts forever literally hurts.
I have to admit that it's difficult for me to enjoy fall as much as I should when in the back of my mind I'm haunted by the thought that winter is on its way. It's almost like the overwhelming beauty of the colorful, changing leaves taunt me and remind me the world will all too soon be gray and cold.
And fall is bittersweet, a reminder of both life and death for me and my family.
Our family celebrates the birth of three of our daughters in the fall. My husband and I celebrate our wedding anniversary and my youngest daughter and I celebrate the day I became her second mom.
In the fall we also commemorate the anniversaries of the deaths of two people we love -- my husband's first wife, who passed seven years ago, and my oldest daughter's first love, who died the September before. My first marriage both began and officially ended in the fall. Halloween is my husband's first wife's birthday. And then of course there is September 11th, a day that changed the world.
It's unfortunate that much of fall's sweetness is related to the bitterness. That's always on my mind and often pains me. We are able to celebrate our love because we lost someone we love. We are able to celebrate because of and in spite of our losses.
"Ready or not, here I come!" fall is calling out to me, while I think about hiding from its painful ways. I sometimes want to pull my covers over my head and sleep through September, like in the Green Day song, to escape the pain, but that's just not me. Not only do I believe in facing hard things head on, I also know if I sleep through fall I'll miss the beauty of the season and the celebrations of the lives and loves I hold so dear. Instead of escaping, I will celebrate our daughters' birthdays and our anniversary, while also remembering our loved ones who are now gone. I know from experience new love does not erase past love; past love does not diminish current love.
Winter is calling too but winter is a pain in the ass. I think I'll sleep through winter. Or move to Florida.
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Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends
like my father's come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends
ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends
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Collin Raye - Love Remains
We are born one fine day
Children of God on our way
Mama smiles daddy cries
Miracle before their eyes
They protect us til' we're of age
Through it all love remains
Boy moves on and takes a bride
She stands faithful by his side
Tears and sweat they build a home
Raise a family of their own
They share joy they share pain
Through it all love remains
Kingdoms come and go but they don't last
Before you know the future is the past
In spite of what's been lost
Or what's been gained
We are living proof that love remains
I don't know baby what I'd do
On this earth without you
We all live we all die
But the end is not goodbye
The sun comes up the seasons change
But throught it all love remains
An eternal burning flame
Hope lives on and love remains
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