Reflections on 2015

Last year at this time, as I looked forward to 2015, I said I wanted my theme for the coming year to be "Stretch". I posted on Facebook:

"I want to stretch while doing Yoga and while waking up from restful sleep, stretch to reach beyond my physical/emotional/intellectual comfort zones, stretch my hard-earned dollars, and stretch my mind. Unfortunately I need stretch pants as I end the year."

And stretch I did, forward and backward, up and down. Sometimes I stretched like a lazy cat in a ray of sunshine, sometimes like a tense rubber band ready to snap (actually I snapped a few times).

It's been both a horrible and wonderful 2015, a year that has stretched us every which way imaginable. The Dishman family said a tragic goodbye to their mother and grandmother, Louanna, and then too soon after my Bruns girls said goodbye to their grandmother, Marjorie Violet. Losing two mothers-in-law within a month certainly stretched my capacity for supporting others in their grief, while simultaneously dealing with my own emotions. We said a tearful goodbye to a beloved family home, the Stone House, the hub of Esker activity during Jubilee Days and Holiday meals. Craig had a health scare that changed our vision of our future for a while, I had a crazy mishap with a chicken bone that is now straining me financially as the bills roll in. Craig's dad continues to battle health problems and missing his wife. Broken appliances (a "shocking" experience with one), a windstorm that caused damage to our property, expensive car repairs...I think our budget has been stretched well beyond our comfort zone this year.

But life goes on in wonderful ways. My daughter moved into a beautiful new home and a few months later we learned we are going to be grandparents--in just about 6 weeks! One daughter got engaged to a great guy. Another daughter started a new exciting job. A niece got married and had a fabulous family celebration, another niece graduated from college, a nephew started a career in film. My brother-in-law returned safely from a tour of duty. All my sisters' husbands found work. My parents are healthy and active. We have so much to be grateful for.

Personally I found so much happiness kayaking on Summit Lake and making new, amazing friends along the way. That kayak was the best birthday and Mothers Day gift I could have ever, ever received! There is no better feeling than floating on that lake with my friends and anticipating the beauty of misty sunrises or brilliant sunsets. I stretched beyond my comfort zones by facing my fear of water and having adventures on my own (loading and unloading my kayak all by myself). I also found great pleasure in taking photos with my iPhone and sharing them with others. I continue to love my job and I look forward to spending time with my husband and family. I've also enjoyed being a new dog owner -- well mostly. Oh, and the recent gift of a ukulele is stretching my mind and fingers in delightful, yet sometimes frustrating, ways!

I think my word for 2016 will be "FOCUS". I want to focus on appreciating the little things in life, on being in the present moment. I also want to focus on getting my home in order, to declutter, organize and spruce it up a bit. Of course I want to focus on improving my health -- losing weight would be nice but my goal is to be healthy and active, so I can continue meeting the needs of my family and enjoying live. I also want to focus on my finances, cutting back on wasteful spending and thinking more about saving. Of course I would like to focus with my iPhone and take a lot more pictures, and focus on being more creative, along with my fun and creative friends. Most of all I want to focus on being an attentive Grammy Julie to baby Mason! I can't wait! 2016 is going to be an awesome year.

All I Want for Christmas...

What I want for Christmas, before I can decorate, shop, wrap, and cook is for all children, no matter what their background, to be treated the same and given food and shelter -- whether they are born in the US, Mexico, Syria or anywhere else; whether they are Christian, Muslim, atheist or whatever; whether they are on welfare, are orphans, or their parents are considered criminals.

It’s so easy for us to label groups as “Refugees” or “Homeless” or “Illegal Immigrants”, to put ourselves above and beyond them, but most of the PEOPLE in these groups are children. Hungry, cold, frightened children, living in tents, boxes, cars, under bridges, with no food or clean water.

For a moment, think of your own child. Imagine being forced from your home for any reason. It burns, a tornado hits, you lose your job and the bank takes it, someone forces you to leave your homeland because of your political or religious beliefs. It can happen – don’t think that it can’t.

Imagine your child cries in hunger or thirst and you have no food or clean water to give it. Imagine it shivers with the cold and you have no dry blanket to cover it, no bed for it to lie on. Imagine it rains or snows and you have no shelter for its head, not even an umbrella. Imagine it’s sick and you have no medicine to give, not even a Band-Aid to cover a bloody knee. These are the refugees, the homeless, the immigrants, and no matter how good, responsible, hard-working, American or Christian you think you are, this could be your child.

Labels, borders and boundaries are man-made, created and perpetuated by us. Yes us. A hungry child is a hungry child, no matter where it lives, no matter who its parents are. Before you buy that next Christmas decoration you don’t really need, or that gift your loved one doesn’t really need, consider helping a child, any child. The season of Christmas, the season of Love and Light, should know no boundaries. Real love knows no boundaries.

Back in Time After Time

I hold a 305 year old book in my hands and feel its old leather binding flake and crumble. The front cover falls off, and I know the back cover eventually will also, as I gently press the book down on the glass and I try to get a good scan of all 650 pages. It kills me to know I am destroying the rare book while scanning it, in an effort to preserve and share its contents. Paper, ink and leather from 1710 England. I kind of worry about breathing in its dust. 

I wonder who else has held this treasure in their hands. Who were they? What was life like for them then? Could they even conceive that someone might hold this book in their hands more than 300 years later? Could they even dream of the technology that is allowing me to scan and share it today? What would they think about life here if they were suddenly transported here? What would they think that a library was going to throw their book away, but it was saved by an elderly Quaker man who recognized a treasure, then brought it to a professor at a Quaker seminary, who asked me to scan and preserve it?

I hope that a relic from the past will fall out of the pages, a hand written note or a piece of ribbon, or something else that served as a book mark. But I realize while turning from page to page that no one else has actually read this book, at least not the entire thing, because there are pages that have been cut improperly and never separated. I can't read it myself because it's in Spanish, but the writing is beautiful.  I know it's about religion, and I know a Quaker wrote the words in the late 1600's, then the words were translated to Spanish and printed 1000 times and shipped or hand delivered to Quakers, to help spread the message to other lands or to preserve the message.  Maybe I'll have to try to read the original English version someday. 

As I sit in a Quaker seminary in 2015, in a building built in the 1870s and later named for the author of the book, I want to randomly pick a page and read what it says, to see if the centuries old text speaks to me today.  Using my iPhone I try to translate some of it but the app translates "Tembladores" as "Shaker" instead of "Quaker", so I laugh and doubt the validity of the translation, but I search for more information about it. I look for it's value on eBay but can't find this original edition, just later printings. I'm interrupted when I get a text from my daughter at school, reminding me of her upcoming doctor appointment.  

I get on my work computer to Google a better translation but get distracted and see on Facebook that today is "Back to the Future Day", or the future date Marty McFly and Doc had programmed into their time machine in the movie "Back to the Future II".

I haven't watched the movie for a while so I don't remember the specifics of why they chose this date and what happened while they were "here", but I do recall there were many futuristic gadgets and clothing items. I think I'll have to watch the movie with my family this evening, if we have it on DVD. I'm sure it's on Netflix but our Internet is too slow on Dishman Hill for it to stream without constant buffering.

Now I'm trying to think back to October of 1985, when "Back to the Future II" takes place, and what I was doing, or what life was like for me then. Did I imagine what my life would be like in 2015?  I was 23, married less than a year, and we had just moved from our one-bedroom apartment to a 2 bedroom rental home in a small town in northern Indiana.  We were really curious about all the "primitive" Amish living near us because there were none like them in our hometown of Hagerstown. I was working part-time in retail and the clothes I wore to work had huge shoulder pads and I tried to make my hair big. My husband was an accountant for a telephone company. He wore a suit and tie to work every day. He shined his shoes once a week.


We drove used cars -- the Monte Carlo had an 8-track player, the gray Honda was basic but got good gas mileage and was practical. Our favorite TV show was the cutting edge Miami Vice and we made sure we were home when it came on, or we set the video player to tape it so we could watch it later, but we usually forgot and had to wait for reruns. We had a phone with a cord -- it hung on our wall -- and we paid for long distance calls, which meant we had to limit our contact with our parents and friends. We felt isolated 3 hours from home. I think we bought an answering machine so we could get important messages while we were out.


We didn't own a computer although my husband sometimes used one at work to print reports; he used an adding machine all the time. At home we had a calculator, a nice expensive one my husband bought in college. I had a Polaroid camera but was very careful about how many pictures I took because the film was pretty expensive. I bought a disc camera sometime around that time and loved taking the disc to the drug store to get developed, then going back a week later to see how my pictures turned out -- only a few of them were worth putting in a photo album, the rest were stuck back in the envelope and into a box somewhere. I was learning how to cook using my microwave and crock pot. We each had an alarm clock next to our sides of the bed.  I think mine was digital but my husband's was one of those flip radio alarm clocks that clicked every minute as the next number tumbled over. We had a small stereo and a boom box that played cassette tapes.

We looked forward to having 2 or 3 children sometime in the next 5 years, and assumed we would work our way up the ladder in our careers and own a nicer, larger home and nicer cars, and hopefully travel around the country someday. But other than that I don't think we thought too much about what life would look like 30 years into the future. We couldn't even imagine being that old!

I remember a book I borrowed from the library when I was living there in Goshen. It was written by a Quaker Oats heiress about her life of luxury and all her travels from 1906 until the 1950's. Even during the depression her family had plenty of money because Quaker Oats was inexpensive and "stuck to your ribs", which meant it was a staple in most households when times were tough. I marveled at how much our world had changed since she was a small girl -- little things like deodorant and bigger things like having to crank a car to get it started, traveling across the country on steam trains, and across the ocean on steam ships.  Her life seemed so romantic back then.  I had never heard the term Quaker in any other context than Quaker Oats.

Thirty years later I laugh when I get calls that are meant for Quaker Oats. Even with today's technology people get wrong information -- and they can use it too easily, unfortunately.

Thirty years later I have a different husband, something I never imagined, and I live back in Hagerstown. Between the two of us we have 5 kids and we keep in contact with them and our parents and friends via cell phones and e-mail.  We even play games with them at a distance using our cell phones. My daughter texts me ultrasound pictures of the baby she is carrying. We don't use alarm clocks, we use our cell phones.  We don't have a camera because our cell phones take and share pictures so easily. I use my phone as a calculator too. We use our phones and tv to listen to all the music we used to listen to back in the 70's and 80's. We're going to a Peter Frampton concert this weekend; he was hot in the 70's but barely heard of in the 80's, so it's nice he's made a comeback. My husband's favorite old tv show is Miami Vice and he often watches it on DVD -- it makes him think of the good old days, I guess.

(http://itsmusicfashionlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/vice.jpg)

I still live modestly and drive a used gray Honda. My career never flourished and I make just double what I made 30 years ago, which isn't much when you consider inflation, but I love my work and I've had wonderful experiences.  The none-stressful job leaves me time, space and energy to focus on my passion of iPhone photography -- I can take, edit and print beautiful photos from my phone.

I still have Amish neighbors because an Amish community moved to Hagerstown several years ago. When I see them with their plain clothes and horse and buggies, or working on their farms, I imagine their life is very much like the life of Quakers in the 1700's, although I often see their young people using cell phones and playing volleyball.

I still borrow books from the library, but I sometimes download them and read them on my "antiquated" Kindle.  I can't imagine life without real books. I'll always love old books especially -- their smell, the feel of the old paper.

This old book from 1710 makes me think and wonder. It's old and smelly, and it's falling apart, but it's full of intention, full of history, full of some kind of good energy intended for future generations, and I feel special to have held it in my hands before it's gone for good. When I'm done scanning the book, a professor will e-mail the pdf of the Spanish translation of Quaker theology to his friends in Cuba, a country that I imagine is purposely stuck in something like the "November 12, 1955" of "Back to the Future", with old cars, old styles, old thoughts.

I'm wondering how sharing ideas that are over 305 years old can make a difference for the professor's friends in Cuba, or how saving the text of the old book will impact others in the future. I also wonder how long it will take for the technology that allows us to scan and store this book to become obsolete and inaccessible, maybe gone forever.

I guess only time will tell.
  

Friendship, creativity and inspiration

Three women met early on a misty morning to launch their kayaks. Two had known each other for only a summer, two had met face to face only a handful of times, two had never met and didn't know each other at all. Photography and Facebook drew them together in the first place; sunshine, water, conversation and a shared love of capturing the beauty of nature filled them with with a peace and happiness that is difficult to explain. Kindred spirits were recognized during the two hour kayaking journey and new friendships grew.

It's hard for others to understand how sitting still for five minutes and trying to capture the image of a drip of water falling off a paddle can serve as meditation and feel so fulfilling. None of us questioned why the other wanted to do it; we understood perfectly well -- it was natural to each of  us. We each tried to do it ourselves. It wasn't a competition but rather a nudge to create our own version, or our own interpretation of the moment. None of us knew the other two had accomplished it until we returned home and saw the photos they had posted.

My interpretation

Julie King's interpretation

Martha Bowman's interpretation

It's so much fun to share this creative journey with Martha Hall Bowman and Julie Farmer King. I can't wait for other kindred spirits to join in. Michelle Hessdoerfer Northrup, we have to figure out how to get you and your kayak there soon!

Muskrat Love and Goose Poop

Last night I floated next to an otter.  It might have been a muskrat, not an otter, but I'll say it was an otter because otters are cuter. He really could have been an otter as there are river otters at Summit Lake. Either way, he was a cute little furry animal, floating alone in the middle of lake, a couple of yards from my kayak. He looked up at me and dove straight down, popping up a few yards away. I looked around, smiled to myself and thought "Ahhhhh, alone on this beautiful, peaceful calm water, with little animals and big birds all around me. Finally. Exactly where I want to be. This is fabulous. This is the me I want to be." The lake was like glass and shimmered in the waning sunlight as I took it all in.




Then, as always, the other side of my brain interjected "Don't get too close because you don't know what it will do. He might be aggressive and swim towards you. Yikes, what if he tries to crawl into your kayak! It could happen, like that crazed swamp rabbit who tried to get into President Jimmy Carter's boat. What would you do if an animal of any sort, especially a snake, did that? Oh Lord, snakes. Hit it with your paddle, like Jimmy Carter!

But can you hit it hard enough to stop it or would you just make it mad? What if you lose your balance while swinging your paddle and kayak tips over? You really want to avoid that because the thought of falling into this water really scares you quite a bit.  If an animal comes after you, stay calm so you don't tip. But if you do tip over you'll float since you are wearing a life vest. Unless the vest rides up over your head like it did to that guy at work. But even then at most places you could probably touch the bottom.  Ugh, the bottom. The mucky, weedy bottom. And the submerged tree limbs, tangled with God knows what. And whatever is making those bubbles over there is crawling around the bottom. Turtles. Snapping turtles! And the goose poop floating everywhere on top of the water.

So. Much. Poop. 

Good Lord don't tip. Just paddle away from that wet rat now."

My damn conflicted brain wants to ruin my grand adventures, but I will not let it ruin this one. I will get out of my comfort zone, have fun and be more active, no matter what my fears tell me. I'm finally taking a chance, even just a small one, and doing something I've always wanted to do, being the woman I've wanted to be. I know it's just a 10-foot kayak on a 800-acre lake, but to me it's spectacular, inspiring, freeing, and exhilarating -- while sometimes just little scary. I know there are no whitewater rapids, and it's not like it's the great, dangerous wilderness -- it's just a small state park. But it's still a challenge for me to go beyond my comfort zone, out in the middle of a lake in a kayak, which I loaded into my CRV, unloaded and launched all by myself, when just two weeks ago I just fantasized about having a kayak someday. 


I've been all about that this last year -- stepping beyond my comfort zone and stretching into places where I've always wanted to go (or I visited long ago but haven't found my way back). Places that make me feel strong, independent, active, creative, and natural. But not comfortable.  Once I feel comfortable I know I need to add something to challenge me again. Kayaking on a river, kayaking on a big lake, or a much longer kayaking adventure. Camping maybe? Kayaking with my dog?



People probably laugh when they see me pull my kayak out of my Honda CRV. Not OFF of my CRV, OUT of my CRV.  It fits perfectly from windshield to back window, diagonally.  If it was a half inch longer it wouldn't fit -- I'd blow out my windshield when I shut the tailgate.  However, when I have it in my CRV, no other person can travel with me (hmmmm, that can be a good thing). Someday I may have enough strength to lift it onto my car, but I'll have to get a roof rack and kayak carrier first. I knew if I waited to get a roof rack before I started this adventure, it would never happen, so I load it into my car.



I really want my husband to get a kayak so we can have water adventures together. However, I knew if I waited for him to decide to get one before I started this adventure, it would never happen.  I also know if I waited for him to be available to go when I want to go, it would never happen. So I meet my sister or friend at the lake, or go alone, which is a little bit uncomfortable for me. My husband and daughter did follow me in another car one day so they could see me paddle my new kayak.  My daughter wants one now but she'll have to wait for me to get a roof rack.



I've gone to the lake with my kayak in my CRV just four times since I got it for my birthday and Mothers Day a few weeks ago.  I think about going all the time, though. I can't wait to try other lakes now, even though there is a lot more of Summit Lake to explore.

I look for kayak clothing and accessories and I've joined a few kayakers groups online.  I need to figure out how I can protect my iPhone so I can take pictures while I'm on the water; the waterproof case I'm using makes it too difficult to see the screen and the plastic creates strange light effects. I can't help but want to take pictures while I'm kayaking, because it's so beautiful out there.

Maybe my next challenge is to leave my iPhone at home and completely unplug.  However, that one part of my brain tells me to keep it with me in case I need to call someone to rescue me because I lost my paddle while swinging at crazed muskrats and snakes. I'm wondering, before cell phones, how did one call for help when they were up shit creek without a paddle?

Photo courtesy of Martha Bowman.

 



  

Blame it on the daffodils

Daffodils always lift my spirits.  Their sunny color and joyful trumpet-like blooms, surrounded by outstretched petals, seem to joyfully shout “It’s finally Spring!” For many they mark the end of a dark and dreary winter.  For me the end of a dark and dreary period of my life.

Many years ago I suffered from a deep depression, brought on partly by lack of sleep, I think. For many weeks I felt like I was stuck behind a foggy glass; I simply couldn’t connect with the people I loved or the world around me. I wasn’t deeply sad, like we often think depressed people are.  I basically felt empty and unfeeling, uncaring, sluggish, tired, unfocused, and very alone -- even when I was surrounded by people. My body ached terribly. I couldn’t focus on simple reading or watching television, let alone work.  I couldn’t make decisions. I didn’t want to go for walks and if I did I found myself sitting on a bench and staring into space.  I often found myself sitting in my car, not sure what I needed to do or where I was supposed to go next. The only thing I had energy to do was play solitaire, with an old deck of cards on the ottoman in my living room.

One spring morning, on my way to work, I realized my work was going to require more energy than what I had that day.  I needed to have a clear head and I needed to connect with my co-workers and the students I served.  Out of the blue I decided to pray, something I hadn’t done for a long, long time.  All I said was “Lord, bring me out of this fog. Help me think clearly and give me the energy to serve the needs of those around me.  Please fill me with your light.”

As I turned into the parking lot at work I slowed to allow a co-worker to walk across the drive.  As she crossed I at once noticed the bouquet of bright yellow daffodils she carried. They were so bright they seemed to shine on her face – her glowing, smiling face.  I couldn’t help but smile in response when I saw her. 

And then suddenly I felt the fog lift.  The world around me cleared.  I felt lighter. I actually felt something. I felt...happy.

Later that day I ran into my coworker and said, “I just want to say thank you.  Seeing you with those daffodils really brightened my day.  I really needed that.” Then, thinking I knew her well enough that she would appreciate it, I added, “In fact, on my way to work I had prayed for energy and focus, so seeing your face all lit up by those daffodils really made my morning.”

She gave me a quick thank you as she also gave me a funny look, so I thought maybe I made a mistake by mentioning my prayer to her.  

Later that day I ran into her again. She stopped me and said, “I’m sorry if I acted uncomfortable when you told me about your prayer, but this morning I also prayed on my way to work. I prayed that I might be a beacon of light to others who are in need.  I guess I was little caught off guard.”

Whether it was a happy coincidence or the power of prayer that lifted my spirits at that time, I will forever blame it on the daffodils and remember them when I'm feeling low.  
 

It's not my fault

I get really sad and annoyed when I hear people say things like "I didn't have slaves and those people were never slaves, so why can't they just get over it? It happened so long ago. I don't know why it's still a problem."

I know immediately they have no understanding of structural racism.  I also realize they don't care to learn.


Passive, structural, institutional or social racism is a lot like pollution. People long before us started throwing their trash in landfills, in rivers and the ocean, and along roadsides. Companies long before we were born started spewing toxins into the air and water. It’s been done for centuries and it’s become a way of life for many because they benefit from it in some way (profit, convenience, etc.). What was dumped 300 years ago, 200 years ago, 100 years ago, 50 years ago, and yesterday, has built up over the years. Some of it decays and turns into earth, but much of it remains and builds upon itself, growing into huge smelly heaps that cause problems in our lives today.

We say “I don’t litter”, or "I didn’t put that landfill there”, or “I don’t pollute that water”, “this is not my fault”. Or we think “This isn’t happening to me, where I live, so it’s not my problem.” 

But this pollution has and will continue to have an impact on us: chemicals slowly start tainting our water supply, trash washes up on our shores and gets clogged in our rivers, our air becomes heavy and causes difficulty in our breathing, or it kills vegetation, the landfill becomes too full and the county decides to start a new one next door to our house, we get cancer because of the chemicals sprayed on a neighbors fields. And we think “Why is this happening? I shouldn’t have to deal with it. I didn’t cause this.” 

We forget that the plastic water bottle we drink out of has to go somewhere. No, maybe we don’t throw it out of our car window (overt polluting) but we do put it in your trashcan, where it gets picked up by the trash collector, who takes it to the landfill, where it gets dumped and adds to the heap of trash that won’t biodegrade, then becomes somebody else's problem (passive polluting). 

So you say “So I won’t use a plastic water bottle”. But not using that plastic water bottle doesn’t make the rest of the pollution disappear. It’s still there, whether you caused it or not. Because it's there and because it's effecting you and everyone around you it's your problem. Because you have the power to do something about it but aren't, you are part of the problem. Unless you do something to clear away the trash that is piling up, and do something to help others see they should not be polluting the earth with their plastic water bottles and other trash, the problem will not go away and will cause worse problems for future generations. 

If you simply stand on the edge of the trash heap and look down at others who have been buried by it, instead of putting your hands out to them in an offer to pull them out of it, you are responsible for keeping them there, whether you put them there or not.

A Dog Day in the Snow

15+ Tips for Saving for a Vacation

A week of relaxing on a warm, sunny beach sounds really good right now, doesn't it? My dream is to take one of those "all inclusive" beach resort vacations somewhere in the Caribbean, but my budget says that's not likely to happen anytime soon. My fantasy also includes a thin and tan me in a really cute bathing suit, but my body says that's not happening either.  However, thick or thin, rich or poor, a family road trip to a Florida beach is in my near future, thank goodness.

At the right is the "real me" and the "dream me" (can you guess which is which?) during my last trip to the beach. My travel companion texted this photo to my husband, to see if he would even notice me.

We can all benefit mentally from an occasional vacation but many people I know say they can't afford to take one. Or, the stress of having extra debt when they return simply erases the relaxing benefits of a vacation. I have found there are lots of little ways to save money for trips and other things we need or want.  Here are some of the things I did to save for a trip I took last summer as well as the one coming up this spring:

1. Pack leftovers for lunch most days instead of going out for lunch, even just for fast food -- this has the added benefit of there being less spoiled food to clean out of the refrigerator at the end of the week (who really does that weekly?) I save my lunches out for times I'm meeting a friend, and then we often split a meal.

2. Cancel or postpone some of my hair appointments to color my own hair and trim my own bangs -- then refrain from calling a stylist to fix my mistakes

3. Cut my husband's hair instead of sending him to the barber -- I'm constantly telling him how much I save him by doing this, to rationalize my other purchases (it's really not much but let's let him think it is).

4. Wear six-year old pants, $12 K-Mart sweaters and 10-year old mended coats to work -- life is so much easier if you can ignore fashion trends!

5. Refinance my car loan to get a lower interest rate, when I really want to trade my 11-year old CRV for a newer one. I pretend I need an older SUV for all my off-road adventures or to haul my kayak (which I don't have).

  
To the left is a photo I took during one of my many vacations to Lake Erie. Someday I want to kayak there.  I gladly do without fancy meals out to save money to visit there at least once a year.









6. Cut down on dinners out and share meals with my husband when we do go out.

7. Drink water, not soda, when I do go out for lunch or dinner

8. Quit stopping for coffee on my way to work and make it at home or work instead (or I could quit drinking coffee)

9. Hold on to my 3-year old iPhone 4 instead of upgrading (until recently when I couldn't resist any longer because I got a free upgrade)

10. Choose not to fund a much needed home-improvement project or buy new decor for my home or plants for the yard -- I kill the plants anyways

11. Save and roll all of our pocket change

12. Sell some of my old belongings that I've been hanging on to -- I really don't need the microscope I played with 45 years ago

13. Give up our premium channels and only pay for basic Dish (or cable) -- If Craig can do without his sport channels, I can do without Hallmark and Showtime

14. Combine and postpone trips "into town" to save gas -- we live just 4 miles from our small town but cutting down on those quick trips saves gas and our time. I also try not to drive to the town where I work, which is 30 miles from our home, on the weekends, and plan my errands for after work instead.

15. Cut way back on the amount I spend at Christmas -- this works best (e.g. with fewer complaints from the kids) if you tell your family members you are saving for a future trip that includes them!

 
To the left are my oldest daughters during a family vacation to Cedar Point, in Sandusky, Ohio, about 22 years ago. 

Below is a photo of them during a spring break trip to California, about 14 years later. It was our last trip as a family before my oldest daughter graduated from high school and my first husband and I divorced.

 Bonus tips for saving for vacation: 

- Don't get a dog (yeah, she's eating our savings)

- Go to the library to borrow books and DVDs instead of renting or purchasing them

- Learn to use a needle and thread to sew on buttons and mend holes, instead of not wearing or throwing away clothing items when they get worn

I figure by doing all of the above for a year I can easily save more than $1,000. Much of it makes me healthier too (eating less, not drinking as much soda, etc.) and keeps life simpler and less cluttered. All of these may sound like common sense and you may already be practicing them. If so, that's great! Now you deserve a break for working so hard to save your hard earned dollars!

If you can save enough to take a vacation, even a short one, there are many things you can do to make the trip more affordable, or to stretch your dollar:

- Go with a friend instead of your spouse - if you go without your spouse you don't have to pay for airfare for him. Also you can split the cost of a room, some meals, and some transportation costs, such as parking and gas with your friend.  I know some women won't go anywhere without their husbands, but I think a little time away is good for a relationship (and he just might get an enjoyable picture texted to him). Besides, my husband and I have different agendas for vacations: I want to get up early, go to art museums and great little local shops; he wants to sleep late and sit in the hotel while watching a game or a movie. He can do that at home. Also we make different food choices. To the right is a meal my friend and I shared during our last trip.  My husband would not have eaten that. 

- Use discount coupons for attractions and meals - you can usually get these on the internet or through the area's visitor center.

- If you are a member of AAA or a professional association, check to see what discounts on lodging, meals, attractions and even some purchases you can get; also check with your employer's HR department and with your credit cards for available discounts or rewards.

- Negotiate prices for lodging with the hotel or condo, or use an online discount service like Priceline or Expedia to get better deals.

- Go "off season" to get better airfare and lodging rates.

We all need a break from our hectic lives and stressful jobs, time to refresh and relax.  Whether it's a few days, a week, or two weeks, it's important for our mental and physical health to have a vacation.  Besides, research shows experiences such as vacations with friends or family bring far more happiness to our lives than buying things does.  It's a matter of setting priorities, but a vacation can be in your future if you set your mind to saving money for the trip ahead of time.

Things I Miss

I miss being a kid...

Sitting in a laundry basket or a big box while my big sister pushes me across the carpet, sliding down my grandmother's carpeted stairs on my butt, or shuffling my feet across the carpet while wearing my big fluffy slippers and shocking the heck out of one of my sisters.

Laying my cheek against my Grandma Marge's cool arm, which smells of Chantilly powder, as she sings to me and calls me Princess Julianna of the Netherlands, listening to her play a waltz on the piano or a polka on her accordion.

Sitting in my Grandma Dorothy's office, at the big conference table, and learning to write my name, with the sound of printing presses and the smell of ink in the background.

Hopping into her huge black Lincoln convertible and sitting on the armrest while she drives to the post office, then to her cottage, or sliding around in the big back seat and giggling with my sister. Hoping to pass the farm with the "circus horses", which weren't really circus horses -- the horse was not really trying to climb onto the other horse's back, I realized much later when I was a teenager. 

Having a never ending supply of coloring books and paper dolls, because my grandfather's publishing company produced them.

Hanging on the monkey bars in our back yard, the one we saved our pennies for in a big plastic pink piggy bank. The day we cut it open was so exciting. Riding my 3-speed bike as fast as I can down Michigan Avenue, around Ohio Terrace or on the path at the creek, feeling free and thinking it would be so much fun to drive a car someday (not knowing nothing is as fun or as free-feeling as riding a bike, even a 3-speed).

 
Hearing my parents play cards and laugh with their friends while I lay in bed at night, with the lingering after taste of purple cool-aid and Ballreich's potato chips.

Playing Barbies and eating cupcake batter with my best friend Kelley, then watching Andy Williams or Tom Jones on the black and white TV, while her mother sings along with a silly love sick look (I now understand).

Grandma's cottage, with the feel of the seawall railing, all warm from the sun and scratchy from the sand, the sound of the waves and the fog horn in the morning, the porch door slamming. Walking on the pier or the beach while holding my grandfather's hand.

Polishing the slide in the park with a piece of waxed paper to make it faster. Hoping Uncle John will push me on the swing because he makes it go the highest, over his head even. Rinsing the sand off my feet at the faucet by the back door, but never really getting all the sand off. Singing and dancing on the fireplace hearth, in front of the andiron owls with their glowing eyes, as my sister and I pretend we are the singing Aldridge sisters from the Lawrence Welk show.

The coolness of the grass under my bare feet, late in a summer's evening, as the lights start coming on in the houses but no one wants to stop playing hide and seek or kick ball. The smell of lighting bugs in a jar.

Mom making Thanksgiving dinner as we watch the parade, the TV getting all fuzzy when she uses the mixer to mash the potatoes; the next day making "TV dinners" with the leftovers by heating them in the oven in old pie and TV dinner tins. They came out all dry and crispy.
  

The huge family Christmas parties, when my Grandpa Gene or Uncle George plays Santa, handing out bags with oranges, candy canes and a wooden toy, but not wanting the paddle ball toy because as soon as the ball falls off it turns into the paddle my dad uses to spank us.

Playing BINGO with the older ladies and giving my mom the dish cloth I got as a prize. Checking out what's going on in the finished basement with the men who are laughing about something I don't quite understand -- maybe it's about the Playboy Magazines I saw hidden there. Hoping Grandpa Howard will play the "Night Before Christmas" movie on the 16mm projector soon, if it works, but settling to play "bartender" with my sisters and cousins until it's time. Heading home and hearing the man on the radio say an unidentified flying object has been spotted over Sandusky and it might be Santa.

Pretending I'm asleep so my dad can carry me into the house after a long car ride.

Sometimes I'm tired of playing adult.  I'm tired of making sure there is milk in the refrigerator and toilet paper in the cabinet.  I'm tired of being the one to make sure everyone has a balanced meal that suits all their tastes. I'm tired of timing showers around loads of laundry and dishes so we don't run out of hot water.  I'm tired of helping with school projects and hunting down missing homework. I'm tired of cleaning bathrooms and pulling weeds. I'm tired of going to bed early just to get up early so I can work all week to help pay the bills and not have anything left over for a little fun...or a new bike.

Sometimes I think it would be so nice to let it all go and just ride a bike. But you know that feeling you had as a kid, when you came inside from playing all day, and your bare feet are cold and dirty, your stubbed toe hurts, your banged up knees have grass stains, you have itchy bug bites and you are tired and hungry? So you take a hot soapy bath, put a band-aid on your toe, put on your pjs, and curl up on the couch with popcorn to watch the Wonderful World of Disney or Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.  That's the feeling I get from being a responsible wife and mom. It makes me feel secure, warm, and content at the end of the day. So does taking a shot of whiskey every once in a while, just like Grandma did.

    

A Doggy Dish

We've been thinking about getting a dog for several years now. We felt our 12-year old daughter Laura would make a great dog owner because she's so eager to have a companion and loves animals. Although my husband is a skeptic, I figured if I laid out the responsibilities of dog ownership and helped her understand all that is required of having a dog of her own, and had her agree to them, she would follow through with few problems.  We could even have her sign a contract, with everything spelled out in detail, including what would happen if she didn't live up to the expectations.

We see that many of our friends have dogs and seem to love interacting with them -- and they make dog ownership look really easy. I see their Facebook posts all the time. Their "little bestie" cuddled at their feet in front of the fire and looking adoringly up at the camera. The family photos with the kids holding the dog.  The cute doggy with the sweater romping through the snow.  The dog sitting at the window waiting for a family member to return. I could imagine having a lazy dog lying on our front porch, or following Craig when he's out working in our 2-acre yard, playing ball with Laura or learning new tricks at the agility course I imagined we would build some day, greeting me with a big doggy smile when I get home from work.

I figured a dog would be a great companion for me too. My husband Craig is a quiet guy who likes his alone time, watching sports, old TV series, car shows and the History channel. Also we have very different sleep schedules. I'm an early riser and sometimes get a little lonely in the quiet of the house when he and Laura sleep in.  I could imagine a dog lying in the kitchen watching me make breakfast, getting up every once in a while to come see what I'm doing. Or lying next to me on the couch while I read, my hand on it's head. I think about it riding with me into town with its head out of the car window, taking long walks together on our country road. Sounds lovely, cozy and easy.

My romantic notions of having a dog

are pretty much as realistic as my

romantic notions of having a husband...

Can you tell I have never owned a dog? My parents took one in when I was in college but that's my only experience of living -- part time -- with a big, clumsy, fat, smelly, stubborn red-headed Irish Setter named Lucy. I roll my eyes when I think of Lucy. 

So during Christmas vacation we got a dog.  Henna is a rescue dog from the local shelter and was a bargain, only $25 instead of $95, because of a holiday sale and the over abundance of dogs. "Housebroken, well-mannered, good with kids, 2 1/2 years old, wormed, vaccinated, fixed, medium-sized sheltie mix, " is all we knew about her. She was sweet and soft, henna-colored, with cute perky fold-down ears and big brown eyes lined in dark brown. We think she might be sheltie or border collie mixed with Chow.
 

We've had Henna Renee

two whole weeks now and this is

what I've learned about dogs and dog ownership so far:

1. Expect the unexpected. We brought her home two days before Christmas -- a few hours before Laura came down with strep throat, five days before my husband got the flu, 9 days before it turned into pneumonia. He's still home in bed. Even with all the preparations before hand -- a crate, food and water dishes, treats, collar, leash, 20' line, toys, dog bed, old blankets, baby gates, plastic bags for poop, dog shampoo, flea drops, plans for training -- something will not go as planned.  Laura didn't get to bond with her as she had hoped because she was so sick and I had to take over the feeding and walking duties.  She didn't even have the energy to play or cuddle with Henna, for several days. As a result, Henna now follows me everywhere and looks to me as the pack leader, the alpha female.   

2. Dogs are tricky.  They make you think they understand "sit", "stay", "come", because they do it every time you give them a treat, but when they really don't want to listen to you they won't "sit", "stay" and "come".  They make you believe they will always stay right by you when you unhook them from the leash before heading into the house, but just once they decide it would be more fun to run helter skelter down the driveway, up the road and behind a neighbor's house instead, and ignore your panic stricken "come!" command and "treat!" pleading. I remember when Lucy used to run away from my parents' house and rummage around in the local bar's trash dumpster.  A regal Irish Setter she was not.

3. Kids are tricky. They find ways to make you think they understand the expectations, but when the time comes they find all sorts of ways of getting out of chores then look at you like you have snakes crawling out of your ears when you say, "But you agreed to the terms". They don't see the 6 mounds of poop in the yard, don't see the empty dish, don't hear the dog pawing at the door to come in, and they have a way of quietly disappearing behind closed doors so they don't have to deal with a pup who wants to play.

4. Always add a "No complaining or you lose your iPod" clause in that contract. No matter how well you spell it out ahead of time in black and white, picking up dog poop looks much better on a paper contract than in real life to a 12 year old. So does a 6:30 am walk in the dark and windy cold mornings, especially on snow days when there is a 2-hour delay.

5.  Henna's a fan of Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off", evidently. A wet dog will mess up the whole house with wet, sticky, smelly dog hair, no matter how you try to contain her after a bath. I had to wipe down the whole bathroom from floor to ceiling, clean the mirror, wash the tub, wipe off the toilet, vacuum the stairs and entry hall (again), use a Swiffer on the entry walls and kitchen floor, and wash my sweat pants and t-shirt, 3 beach towels, 2 bath mats, and 1 tooth brush (sorry Laura). I then had to follow her around the house with a beach towel to make sure she didn't shake or jump on anything else.  She wanted to so badly, but after I ran after her and covered her with that towel every time she showed a sign of shaking, she soon gave up and asked to go out doors. Unfortunately it was too cold and she was still too wet, so into her crate she went.  Later I had to wash the bedding in her crate because it was damp and covered with sticky hair (I had just washed it earlier that day).  Henna-colored wet dog hair looks eerily like red dog hair, by the way.

6. Dog shampoo doesn't get rid of dog smell. Wet dogs smells like Lucy. That reminds me, I need to make an appointment with the dog groomer because I'm not going to try the bath thing again.

7. Dogs follow you everywhere and watch everything you do.  Every step, every bite, every open cabinet or door, every zipper, every page, every sip.  Henna even watches me make coffee...one step behind me to the right, unless I step back to the left, then she's there.

8. Henna doesn't appreciate my thoughtfulness. I bought a 20 foot line and attached it to the gate of our back deck, which is 20 feet from our back sliding glass door, which means we can slide open the door, hook the line to her collar, then she can run out the gate and 20 feet into the back yard.  Perfect.  Ingenious.  That's the theory at least. The reality is Henna wants me to stand by her every time she goes potty and doesn't want to go out back alone -- especially at 6:30 when it's still dark, it's windy, and there is a full moon.  Hook Henna up, shut the sliding door, Henna walks two feet, stops, turns around, paws the door, stands on her hind legs and plasters herself against the door, wipes her wet doggy nose on the door as she whines and dances, smearing wet paws across the glass. I've washed the door 4 times in 2 weeks.  Fortunately Henna rarely barks -- unless I shut the gate so she can't come back up onto the deck. 

9. Also, Henna doesn't want to chew her dog bone alone on the deck or in the yard, and husband doesn't want Henna to chew the bone in the house. Throw the bone out to the yard, Henna will fetch it, drop it at the back door, then paw at the door and whine.  Open the door, throw the bone back out into the yard, Henna will fetch it and bring it back to the door and ask to be let in. The sound of Henna pawing at the back door reminds me a lot of Lucy hitting my parents' back door.

10. Dogs really don't eat everything, especially not the food you buy them and put in their dish.  Everything else but. They will eat pretzel crumbs from the floor and the seat of my husband's Lazy Boy recliner, pieces of dog food that fell out of the bag (the same food I put in her dish) and are hidden under the dish, zucchinis on the counter that I am planning to make for dinner, old moldy stale bread we threw into the field, frozen dog poop, finger nail clippings, and other miscellaneous items, but not the food I put in their dish and intend for her to eat.  Finally at the end of the day, when they realize you aren't going to give them something else, they will grab a nugget of their dog food out of their dish and walk 15 feet across the vinyl floor, drop it on the carpet, crunch it into a million tiny crumbs mixed with doggy drool, until it becomes an ugly mess, then walk back for another piece. I remember once when Lucy inhaled a whole raw steak from stove top when I walked away for a minute to answer the door.  She also found the Christmas-wrapped box of M&M cookies I had made for my boyfriend and tore it open and picked out and ate all the M&M's, but left the cookies.  I vaguely remember her stealing the turkey carcass one Thanksgiving and eating the Herman cake my aunt brought one time when she visited.  It was one of those cakes that required her to do something to the batter every day for two whole weeks before baking it.

11. Dogs try to follow you even when they are in front of you.  They stop every few seconds and look back at you to gauge which way you are heading next, so they often weave back and forth one step in front of you, or stop quickly, or change direction, or turn around in a circle. Never a straight line.  This makes them very easy to trip over. Or step on. Or spill things on.

12. They always seem to love the person who wants them around the least, and they act annoyed by the person who gives them attention.  Henna wants to sit on Craig's lap.  Craig does not want Henna or any other dog on his lap.  Laura wants Henna to sit on her lap. Henna is not interested. Henna follows me everywhere. I don't really want a creature following me everywhere. I just got to the point when Laura doesn't follow me everywhere and I was really appreciating that freedom after 27 years of motherhood.

I know I have so much more to learn about owning and loving a dog. At the moment I'm not sure how I feel about that.  I do know I feel I have lost some of my freedom and the peaceful alone time I treasure. Everyone tells me it's all worth it because you get so much love back.  We'll see.

I'm sure I'll have lots of doggy tales to share and "new dog owner" advice to dish out soon!