Last night I floated next to an otter. It might have been a muskrat, not an otter, but I'll say it was an otter because otters are cuter. He really could have been an otter as there are river otters at Summit Lake. Either way, he was a cute little furry animal, floating alone in the middle of lake, a couple of yards from my kayak. He looked up at me and dove straight down, popping up a few yards away. I looked around, smiled to myself and thought "Ahhhhh, alone on this beautiful, peaceful calm water, with little animals and big birds all around me. Finally. Exactly where I want to be. This is fabulous. This is the me I want to be." The lake was like glass and shimmered in the waning sunlight as I took it all in.
Then, as always, the other side of my brain interjected "Don't get too close because you don't know what it will do. He might be aggressive and swim towards you. Yikes, what if he tries to crawl into your kayak! It could happen, like that crazed swamp rabbit who tried to get into President Jimmy Carter's boat. What would you do if an animal of any sort, especially a snake, did that? Oh Lord, snakes. Hit it with your paddle, like Jimmy Carter!
But can you hit it hard enough to stop it or would you just make it mad? What if you lose your balance while swinging your paddle and kayak tips over? You really want to avoid that because the thought of falling into this water really scares you quite a bit. If an animal comes after you, stay calm so you don't tip. But if you do tip over you'll float since you are wearing a life vest. Unless the vest rides up over your head like it did to that guy at work. But even then at most places you could probably touch the bottom. Ugh, the bottom. The mucky, weedy bottom. And the submerged tree limbs, tangled with God knows what. And whatever is making those bubbles over there is crawling around the bottom. Turtles. Snapping turtles! And the goose poop floating everywhere on top of the water.
So. Much. Poop.
Good Lord don't tip. Just paddle away from that wet rat now."
My damn conflicted brain wants to ruin my grand adventures, but I will not let it ruin this one. I will get out of my comfort zone, have fun and be more active, no matter what my fears tell me. I'm finally taking a chance, even just a small one, and doing something I've always wanted to do, being the woman I've wanted to be. I know it's just a 10-foot kayak on a 800-acre lake, but to me it's spectacular, inspiring, freeing, and exhilarating -- while sometimes just little scary. I know there are no whitewater rapids, and it's not like it's the great, dangerous wilderness -- it's just a small state park. But it's still a challenge for me to go beyond my comfort zone, out in the middle of a lake in a kayak, which I loaded into my CRV, unloaded and launched all by myself, when just two weeks ago I just fantasized about having a kayak someday.
I've been all about that this last year -- stepping beyond my comfort zone and stretching into places where I've always wanted to go (or I visited long ago but haven't found my way back). Places that make me feel strong, independent, active, creative, and natural. But not comfortable. Once I feel comfortable I know I need to add something to challenge me again. Kayaking on a river, kayaking on a big lake, or a much longer kayaking adventure. Camping maybe? Kayaking with my dog?
People probably laugh when they see me pull my kayak out of my Honda CRV. Not OFF of my CRV, OUT of my CRV. It fits perfectly from windshield to back window, diagonally. If it was a half inch longer it wouldn't fit -- I'd blow out my windshield when I shut the tailgate. However, when I have it in my CRV, no other person can travel with me (hmmmm, that can be a good thing). Someday I may have enough strength to lift it onto my car, but I'll have to get a roof rack and kayak carrier first. I knew if I waited to get a roof rack before I started this adventure, it would never happen, so I load it into my car.
I really want my husband to get a kayak so we can have water adventures together. However, I knew if I waited for him to decide to get one before I started this adventure, it would never happen. I also know if I waited for him to be available to go when I want to go, it would never happen. So I meet my sister or friend at the lake, or go alone, which is a little bit uncomfortable for me. My husband and daughter did follow me in another car one day so they could see me paddle my new kayak. My daughter wants one now but she'll have to wait for me to get a roof rack.
I've gone to the lake with my kayak in my CRV just four times since I got it for my birthday and Mothers Day a few weeks ago. I think about going all the time, though. I can't wait to try other lakes now, even though there is a lot more of Summit Lake to explore.I look for kayak clothing and accessories and I've joined a few kayakers groups online. I need to figure out how I can protect my iPhone so I can take pictures while I'm on the water; the waterproof case I'm using makes it too difficult to see the screen and the plastic creates strange light effects. I can't help but want to take pictures while I'm kayaking, because it's so beautiful out there.
Maybe my next challenge is to leave my iPhone at home and completely unplug. However, that one part of my brain tells me to keep it with me in case I need to call someone to rescue me because I lost my paddle while swinging at crazed muskrats and snakes. I'm wondering, before cell phones, how did one call for help when they were up shit creek without a paddle?
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| Photo courtesy of Martha Bowman. |
